July 4th

This post has been in my head for a while. I wasn't sure I was going to post it. It could and most probably will bring up some sad memories and some current thoughts for many of my loved ones. But the entire point of this blog is for Jackson to see a glimpse of his life through his mother's eyes. So, here goes- tissue warning.

We went to see Tony's family over the 4th. His daddy has Alzheimer's and is getting progressively worse. He is still joyful and happy, but I do not think he knew who we were. I think he recognized our faces, but didn't know our names. My grandfather had AZ and I clearly remember the time he did not know who I was. The same man who let me take naps on his chest while he watched wrestling in the afternoon. The same man who had eating contests with me in regards to pancakes: is it faster to cut as you go or cut all up at the start and have your bites all ready? Seeing that same vacant smile in my wonderful father in-law was very very hard for me.

I try so hard to be strong for my husband and not cry, but this weekend brought many tears for me. I remember how hard the disease was on my Grandmother as she watched her husband of over 50 years lock himself away in his own head. I can see that same strain on my Mother-in-law Martha. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to see your partner, your lover, your friend regress back to a child and no longer be someone you can lean on, ask questions, or rely on for advice. All of the responsibilities of the household are yours along with all decisions.

My in-laws love animals like no one I have ever seen. Highest count since I have known them was 2 horses, numerous chickens, 5 dogs and 1 cat. This weekend, all that was left was 2 dogs and the kitty. While I had been urging Martha to get rid of the horses as they were so hard for her to care for, I walked out to that empty pasture and cried. It was very quiet without nosy Sue and Sugar wondering what was in my pocket. They are on a ranch that raises race horses, so I know they are at a good home, but I missed them - and I am afraid of horses.

I also try and be a stable source of support for Martha, but found myself bawling in her arms. She understood and let me get it out, but oh it was so hard. Hopefully, I did get it out and will not do that again. She needs a shoulder, not lending one out.

Anyway, I miss my grandaddy. I miss my grandmother. I do not miss that awful disease and yet it is here to greet me again. So, hug the old people in your life, listen to their stories, learn everything you can from them now. Spend time with them. Take them fishing, watch a movie, or do a puzzle. It's those moments that will help you through the rough times that may or may not be before you later.

While we were home, we went to the Arkansas River to watch the Fireworks. Unfortunately, we were a day early, but the weather was beautiful and we had a great picnic.

Debbie and JB
The Graham Family
Tony and the bugBridge over the AR river

Breaking the DirtThe bike trail along the AR river

Got caught in a smoochSweet Jackson

Jackson and Aunt DebbieThe Graham Family

The Graham FamilyMr. and Mrs. Graham

My sweet beautiful husband
RacingAnd I got started remodeling Jackson's bathroom. After I removed the tiles from his shower, this is what I found. TERMITES! Fortunately, it looks worse than it was and all has been repaired. The bathroom is not done yet as we are waiting on the fixtures to arrive (this is why I am not a contractor) so Tony can fix up the plumbing before I put up the new concrete board. Final photos to come soon.